This is a mock cover of the novel that I made myself. I am still looking for a publisher! Email me for details if interested!
For some reason, rageful fiftysomething women who are 6’5” and love to buy elegant dinner wear at Midwestern department stores rarely get to star in their own time-traveling, galaxy-hopping epic. With my novel Brenda Returns a Blazer, I set out to change that.
Brenda Returns a Blazer is 95,000 words of sumptuous, shoulder-padded sci-fi. It's an absurdist comedy fantasia that bends space, time, mid-90s fashion and the number of Shania Twain references that can legally be allowed in a novel.
(think Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy meets Elizabeth Taylor's White Diamonds commercial, with a dash of Heathers for good measure.)
The story follows Brenda Gleick, a giantess and outcast in a gossipy small Illinois town, as she goes to her local Bergner’s department store in 1997 to return a rhinestone-plastered blazer after being disinvited from her bridezilla daughter's wedding.
In the store parking lot, Brenda is visited by her graying future self, who tells her the fabric of time is unraveling and her poly-cotton Dynasty blazer is the key to saving the entire universe (and getting re-invited to her daughter's wedding).
Thus begins a time-travelling adventure of a lifetime—billions of lifetimes, in turns out. Brenda must tumble-dry through the 1990s, alternate dimensions and galaxies far, far away to learn the truth about her blazer, the universe and ultimately herself.
Brenda is joined on her journey by the constantly multiplying Wendy November, her childhood tormenter-turned-bounty-hunter who seems both a victim of time splintering and also a possible architect of its demise. And hot on Brenda’s cherry red mid-heels is a diabolical Regional Manager using the snazzy/elegant Bergner’s corporation as a front for mysterious inter-dimensional chrono-research.
Oh, and did I mention there are Time Witches? In jazzy pantsuits? And four-dimensional flying creatures called Chrononauts? And five clones of Academy Award nominee Joan Allen? And an army of faceless, inter-dimensional Time Soldiers hell bent on stopping Brenda?
Bottom line: Shoulder pads have never been this important.
Brenda Returns a Blazer is about the extraordinary lengths we go to fit into spaces and places that do not want us. It’s about the rhapsodic loneliness of small-town white women of a certain age, as well as the long, winding path to forgiveness. And bedazzling. Honestly, it’s mostly about bedazzling.
Why can’t women of a certain age be centered in sweeping sci-fi epics?
Now, they can.
Let’s go girls. (cue Shania Twain)
This is where you come in.
I am currently without an agent/manager or publisher and am looking for someone who wants to help me kick the sci-fi genre in the balls and support a queer writer! I feel very strongly that BRENDA RETURNS A BLAZER is cult classic material, and will have a large potential audience of women, queer folx and sci-fi enthusiasts.
If you are an agent, manager or publisher OR you know someone who is who is looking for genre-bending sci-fi or queer/female-driven comedies, please contact me at firstname.lastname@example.org!